Joe Biden Legally Changes His Name to Job Biden

Our 46th President of the United States has stunned the public in a recent press release, where he announced that he has legally changed his name to Job Biden.

Asked by reporters why he would change his name, which has become a household name as of late for its connection to all aspects of our lives. From Covid, to gas, groceries, and inflation, the name Joe Biden has become iconic, beloved, and used daily by many, as has the name Brandon for some separate reason. We're still trying to figure that out.

Job Biden stated that the reason for him changing his name is that he feels way more of a connection to the biblical character of Job than to Joseph. Joseph, the son of Israel, was a hero who was delivered from death's door to become the second-in-command of Egypt, and he guided Egypt through terrible famine, living an upstanding life. Joseph the father of Jesus cared for and raised the Son of Man.

Job Biden is nothing like either of these men, and feels much more connection to Job, who, in his words: "He was a great guy, you know, whose life was destroyed by Putin, I mean Satan. He lived a tragic life, and nothing was his fault. That's me."

I for one see an even greater connection he has with another biblical character, but sadly, the father of the Prodigal Son went unnamed. Like the father in that parable, his wealth and resources were taken advantage of by his son, and the son squandered it on selfish living. Unlike the Prodigal Son, Hunter Biden feels a much greater connection to crack cocaine than prostitutes, but it's the principle that counts.

Job Biden has also decided that Putin is Satan himself. Oh, also Donald Trump is Satan as well. It couldn't possibly be that his actions have had negative consequences, it has to be demonic warfare in the form of his political enemies. How else could he be facing all of the persecutions and hatred from everyone if the ruler of hell himself was not personally attacking him?